AFRICA
I first met Helen almost exactly 50 years ago now in September 1964. She had been working previously in Malta and she had just started lecturing in Zoology at the Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology in Kumasi, Ghana. I was there working for VSO (Voluntary Service Overseas, a UK Charity) teaching Maths and for a lot of our time we were a threesome with Moyra, who taught Physics. We explored the local area and arranged parties and other social get-togethers ……. it was the swinging 60’s after all!
One Christmas, which can be a sad time if you are far from home, Helen and I (Moyra had left by this time) decided we would gather all the lonely bachelors together and give them a yuletide feast. It was long remembered by all! She had a green VW Beetle which she buzzed around in and in which we made an overland to trip to Nigeria, where we had to change the side of the road we drove on depending on whether we were in ex French or ex British territory.
Of course, one of the main things about Helen was her love of animals. She soon found a stable and arranged somewhere she could ride one of her beloved horses and she acquired a cat called Bo Diddley. He used to have hissy fits with my cat Sir Lancelot but that was just the start of it. In her study she had three, I think, magnificent eagle owls, in her living room a cage of bush babies and in her garden, an enclosure with, at different times, antelopes both large and small. All of these had come to her injured in some way. People soon knew to bring the halt and the lame to Helen.
When we left Ghana Helen contacted Gerald Durrell at Jersey Zoo and offered her collection to them. They decided they needed an eagle owl and asked her to accompany two orphan leopard cubs for them as well. So we landed with our precious cargo and were taken on a VIP trip around the zoo. She had been kicked by an antelope before leaving Kumasi, which went septic, and I had to take her to A&E at my small local hospital. They were very impressed, it was their first ever antelope kick!
She lingered in England a while to sort out her US visa and then spent a few months researching at the Smithsonian Institution in Washington. Our friendship stayed the passage of time and Helen, Jan and Jono came to stay with us in various combinations in London over the years. We are so pleased that eventually we made it to NZ on two return visits, once to Wellington and lastly to Carterton. I will sorely miss her being here with her sparkle and wry sense of humour.
We were both in Ghana for two years and midway through Helen went home on leave. It was then that she met Jan and the rest, as they say, is history! - From Penny Wallace.



SNAKES
A short story in Helen's own words, from Kumasi, Ghana, on October 1, 1964...soon after she arrived there to teach at Kwame Nkrumah University for two years:
"....I have had three snakes brought to me. One was very poisonous but luckily dead and the other was also poisonous, but cut in two by someone over-anxious to make a small amount of money. The third, a grass snake, is very much alive..it escaped this morning and was found cunningly coiled under the Prof's chair - much to his concern. Have also acquired a large gray and white pussy cat - Benjamin, whom I suspect is simple in the head.. he's not loaded with brains. I would LOVE to have a mongoose; they make wonderful and charming pets, but they are hard to come by. I have been offered a royal python, but it's a silly, frustrated animal which took a hunk out of its present owner (hence the kind offer) , but I don't think there will be enough room for all of us, as the house is small. Had a scorpion in bed with me the other night but killed it before it did anything but scare the life out of me. The locals say that scorpions always go in threes and that once one is dead the others never forget - cheerful thought!..." - From Dave Pawson.

BIG HORSE IN GHANA
Your mother got a long and rich life. I know that my father was very pleased to have heard about her through you, because the time in Ghana was important for both of them. I mostly remember your mother's huge horse, a strange sight in the tropics in those days.- From Hjalmar Dahm.


Prince- stables. Kumasi, Ghana 1966.

LETTER FROM HELEN TO GERALD DURRELL 14/6/66
Dear Mr. Durrell,
There is a hitch about the leopards—I thought everything was going too smoothly to be true. And of course, it was my bad luck for the ‘big boss’ to arrive back, rather unexpectedly and enquire how much I was paying for the leopards. This occasioned some considerable unease on my behalf and on my friend, the head zookeeper’s account. However, I think things may work out—we are now at the stage where I say I will not pay the sum they demand, so we are rather at a stalemate. Today however, I have taken the bull by the horns (as it were) and they are willing to part with both leopards (very fine beasts too) if you will let them have your female cheetah to breed with their male on the understanding that any offspring will be yours. I will get them to agree to return your female cheetah to you, after a given period of time, if no offspring appear. If this is not agreeable to you, then they say (optimistically) that they will accept a female brown bear from you, as a mate for their lonely male. Anyway, it’s over to you—I’ve done my best! I wouldn’t miss out on the leopards. I think they are too nice not to have. If you can’t agree to any of this and still want the leopards, I’ll open money negotiations again—ha—the ‘boss’ is a hard nut to crack.

I leave Accra on the 27th of 28th of June, arriving in Jersey the next day. I think my friend, Miss Penny Sym, will be coming with me—I wonder if it is possible to find us anywhere to stay for a few days. We would be most grateful. Also, do we bring the leopards right on to Jersey? Or do they go into quarantine in London and if they need feeding at London Airport and they’ll probably be pretty hungry, can you arrange for some horse-meat to be waiting? The owls could also probably do with some, or some freshly killed mice. Please let me know immediately by telegram about the leopards. The cheetah here has an enormous cage and is well looked after—so on that score, have no fear. Here’s hoping I finally arrive, complete with leopards and owls in one piece. Do you want some snakes and a black scorpion?

Yours,
H.


Letters preceding the above letter.

DANCING
I knew both you father and mother quite well in the 1960s; I shared a room with Helen at 78A Upland Road, our first flat, as well as having adjoining desks in the honours lab at Victoria’s zoology department. While Helen was overseas in Ghana or was it Malta, she asked me to ‘look after’ your father (I think she thought she could trust me) and Jan and I used to go dancing together. Later I came to see her at Ohariu Valley and we rode her horses together, but drifted apart as our worlds did. From Julia Stuart.

MALTESE HERMIT CRAB
In the early 60's Helen returned to NZ after some years abroad travelling and carrying out research at various institutions. She was stationed at one stage in the Mediterranean on the island of Malta, where she taught at the university in Valleta. As always when in an interesting marine environment, she did a fair bit of collecting of strange animals. One of these was a hermit crab, which lived in and out of a gastropod shell, and to which she became very attached. It was her Maltese pet.

Then came the time for Helen to leave for home. What to do with the hermit? Quite simple really - Helen just popped it in the pocket of the garbodene raincoat she wore, and boarded the plane for Auckland. While passing thru customs in Auckland, hermit started riggling, and Helen had to rapidly put her hand in her pocket and carefully urge the crab back into its shell home. She got thru ok, and caught the next train to Napier to see her folks. Her Dad was not amused! A week later she arrived in Wellington to be met by old friends and helped into her flat in Berhampore. Hermit went along and lived happily with his remarkable Mistress for months. He was the guest of honour at parties we used hold in dear Helen's flat.- From Alan Baker, friend & colleague over many decades.



DONKEY RIDE
Helen was a big part of my early years.. Mum used to take me every week to feed the animals... plus sometimes as I got older she used to drop me off.. so I could hang with the Salukies (sp?) on the couch, check out the crazy man-figure made by Yan and soak up the atmosphere of your house... I remember my 10th birthday.. I went to visit Helen after school...she had a present and card for me and said it was a big day, that I had reached double figures... then the donkey walked in the kitchen (as usual!!)
This is my first donkey ride (you can see how that went!!) with Helen, Dad, and the Glading dude (can't remember his first name)....anyway, I can remember this moment even though I was so little... I loved Helen....she was awesome.. - From Nina Wale.



Nina on the donkey.

NO TV FOR THE CAT
Elliot had known her ever since she was at VUW ... He greatly admired her work on echinoderms, especially her painstakingly thorough methods of research. She was kindness personified ... Took all our hens out to Ohariu every time we had an overseas trip ; those hens really loved Aunty Helen's free-roaming garden. About 12 years ago she gave us a kitten, daughter of her Siamese cat known as "Sia." With the kitten came a long list of instructions, including a rule not to let her watch TV! Which we have obeyed ... Not much on which would interest her anyway. The kitten had 2 of her own just as soon as it was biologically possible - so now we have 3 cats to remind us of happy times with Helen, our very dear friend with whom we also enjoyed a few rides in the donkey cart ... Notable memory being the Horowhenua Show, round and round the ring. - From Elliot Dawson.

ANIMAL HUSBANDRY
I first met Helen at something like an embroidery class at Newlands College. She lit up proceedings with her wonderfully entertaining tales of animal husbandry at Ohariu Valley and much else besides. I'm not sure that she ever starred as an embroiderer! Her generosity of spirit in sharing her love of creatures great and small knew no bounds. So many city kids had their horizons broadened by her welcoming them into her menagerie - donkeys, talking birds, guano, and the bald cat that sat on top of the stove to keep warm were memorable vignettes for my Ema. The annual parade of the donkeys at Wesley Church also made for wonderful stories, not that I ever saw that in the flesh. What a feat! - From Lynne Pomare.

BONE COLLECTION
We have had many, many hours of enjoyment visiting her (& your late father) out in Ohariu Valley. She provided our children a lot of inspiration with an introduction to her animals and rides on her donkeys etc. She also extended them in regard to scientific literature and exposed them to her skeleton collection, which gave them all an interest in bone collection and identification.- From Carolyn O'Brien.

SAINT FRANCIS
She was indeed a friend to all creatures great and small. I imagine that she will be up in heaven now with Saint Francis and hopefully Helen can do something from up their to improve the plight of animals here on earth. If she can, we can all bet she is on to it right now. - From Jan Moon.

A SCIENTIFIC LEGACY THAT WILL ENDURE FOR YEARS TO COME
The last decade of Helen’s scientific career was at NIWA. My name is Dennis Gordon and I am Group Manager of Marine Biodiversity at NIWA . Helen joined the group in 1993 as I recall, initially on a short-term contract before later becoming a full member of staff. She worked with the late Don McKnight on echinoderms, mainly sea stars, with some additional work on brittle stars. Her first NIWA paper, co-authored by Don, was about a taxonomically challenging new genus of deep-water seastar. After some head-scratching, they named it Damnaster, which no doubt reflected their response to the challenge posed by this small marine critter. Of course, they were able to justify the name in formal classical terms—aster means star, and they noted that the first part of the name, damn, came from the Latin verb damnare, to adjudge, affirm or sentence! The name reflected their judgment of that that particular sea star. To those of you knew Helen well, the coining of that name was consistent with that perky, slightly cheeky part of her personality, which endeared her to people.
Helen also published with NIWA polychaetologist Geoff Read in 1999. Their paper was titled ‘Ingestion of quillworms by the astropectinid sea-star Proserpinaster neozelanicus (Mortensen)’. While dissecting specimens of this sea star she discovered that they had somehow ingested the rigid tubes of quillworms. This was no mean feat, since the tubes, which resemble quills, stretched across the full internal diameter of sea star from arm-tip to arm-tip in opposing directions. Even Helen, who was very familiar with the lives of sea stars, was amazed at the capacity of this sea-star’s stomach.
Meanwhile, she was helping Don with the huge task of monographing New Zealand’s large sea-star fauna. Helen was lead author of the first two (2001, 2002) of the three monographs that were eventually published. One of the sea stars described during this work was Plutonaster jonathani, affectionately named for her son. In 2001 she and Don also co-authored a paper with their long-time colleague Alan Baker, describing new species of brittle star from New Zealand and Japan.
One of Helen’s skills was line drawing. She patiently and meticulously executed the most amazingly detailed illustrations of whole sea stars, reproducing every one of the bumps and spines and paxillae that studded the upper surface. However, she was such a perfectionist, that, if by three-quarters of the way through the drawing she somehow failed to get it quite right, she would start all over again, sometimes more than once. This was quite alarming, as Helen seemed blissfully unaware of the need for efficiency in a funding environment in which the bean counters, had they known, would have frowned with darkened brow on this seemingly 19th-century preoccupation with attention to detail in illustration by pen and ink.
Helen occupied an office on the first floor of NIWA’s Brodie Building. Pleasingly for Helen, there was a window that opened outwards over a broad sill. This allowed Helen to feed the seagulls that would come to the window. After Helen retired, the window sill required removal of accumulated seagull guano.
Helen’s inimitable temperament and personality charmed her biologist colleagues and her neighbours on the floor where she had her office, though I daresay she must have seemed somewhat of an enigma to the ocean physicists and climatologists who operated in the more rarified world of higher mathematics. But she was hit with everyone when she brought her donkey and trap to give free rides on the occasion of the Christmas party for the children of the NIWA staff.
Helen’s last publication, published in 2009 some years after she retired from NIWA, was a multiauthored chapter on echinoderms in the first volume of the New Zealand Inventory of Biodiversity. She was thrilled to be presented with a copy when my wife and I visited her in Havelock North a couple of years ago. With this publication, and all those that she produced over the decades of her life, Helen left a scientific legacy that will endure for years to come. -Dennis Gordon, 2 September 2014



HELEN E S (CLARK) ROTMAN'S NAME AND SCIENTIFIC WORK WILL LIVE FOREVER.
As far as Helen's research goes, well undoubtedly she was the foremost researcher and publisher on NZ and antarctic asteroids ever.
Her work at the VUW Marinelab at Island Bay in the 1960s was finalizing studies she had made in previous years at the Smithsonian and other foreign institutions. I first got to know Helen at that lab. She made trips out on the university's research launch Tirohia with us, collecting asteroids from Wellington Harbour and Cook Strait all of which contributed to our knowledge of NZ's marine fauna. Later she worked for me at the National Museum and made an excellent impact on the reseach collections held there. Her final work before retirement was at NIWA in Evans Bay - the only dedicated asteroid expert NIWA has ever had. Helen E S (Clark) Rotman's name and scientific work will live forever.- Alan Baker.

AUNT WORMY
I have such fond memories of going to Ohariu Valley and staying with Helen ,Jan and Jono. My Aunt had such an incredible connection with all her animals and nurtured and fostered many hundreds over the years. Travelling to Wellington and being part of the menagerie of Rottowers was always an exciting adventure as a kid. Helen loved to see us help look after the animals and we had many hands-on experiences.
Here are just a few random memories of many, many great times with my lovely Aunt Wormy and family;
-there was always a fight to exit the front door with hoards of ducks, geese,hens,guinea fowl, peacocks, stray pigeons etc. all in on the feast, hot on your heels, all clamouring for food.
-visiting the paddock over the road where the sheep with the unfortunate bulbous bottom lived ( a benign growth apparently).
-Helen calling to the donkey in that charismatic way she had, who would dutifully trot over with an angelic foal beside her, feeding them carrots and feeling those wonderfully whiskery rubber lips.
-riding the streets of Ohariu Valley in a cart (built by Jan I suspect), pulled by a donkey or one of the ponies.
-being woken up at the crack of dawn by the screeching peacocks, quite an extraordinary sound. They liked to land on the roof right by your head to add to the dramatic wake up call.
-an aloof Solly taking sole possession of the couch. Solly was a very majestically elegant Saluki dog with the figure of a greyhound in larger dimensions. Just one icy glance in your direction would be enough to make sure you didn't share his couch with him.
-puppies that looked like panda bears(old English sheep dogs).
-watching Maddy,s nervous face as she sat on the loo at Rottowers while a broody hen clucked angrily in the nesting box right behind Maddy,s head.- From Biddi Clark.

SCRABBLE
I recall on my last visit that your Ma was a ferocious and highly competitive scrabble player. Mum, Jan, Helen and I played until nearly 4 am one night. (Helen as you know had bad shaking, when she reached out to put her letters down everyone's pieces went flying - we all - Helen included - laughed until we cried ). I drove Helen and Jan to a cafe on the beach, she had a lovely time looking over the ocean and Helen kept looking at me mischievously: whenever Jan wasn't looking she stashed food from the table in her bag, for her animals ofcourse! She was a smart and very funny person!- From Yvonne Thompson.

EVERY KID THAT GREW UP IN OHARIU VALLEY
I am truly saddened to hear about your Mum. She has and will always hold a special place in my heart and that of every kid that grew up in ohariu valley she was a great caring woman and you should be extremely proud of her legacy.- From Shayne Barns.

"HELLO MICKY CLARK"
It has been good to be able to see Helen quite a bit since we have been back from China and I will remember old times of riding, collections for the big fish tank at the back of Clive Square and the continuous supply of water snails. Also the budgie she gave to us which we didn’t really want but Ralph was quite won over when he came home from work to be greeted by “ hello Micky Clark”. Later it was kittens as her cats were prolific producers. So many things to remember and of course all the animals and birds at Ohariu Valley. Jon saying he didn’t have to mow the lawn because it was already covered in duck poo. - From Judy Duley.

SPIDEY
I'll never forget the few times I met your remarkable Mum, especially the very first time we met at the wild Ohariu Valley home where after a few minutes she asked me if I had a "bun in the oven"! I think she thought that's why you had taken me to meet her! She later instructed me to be very careful when going to the loo so as not to disturb "Spidey" who had made his rather substantial home across the room- I am still yet to meet another person with such a love of all creatures. - From Harriet Pilkington.

BANTY HENS
She was an absolute 'ACE', an authentic woman with a love for ALL living organisms. I, and my children, have had the privilege of meeting her on two memorable occasions. Her love for birds and animals was amazing, it's something my daughters have as well, and I am in no doubt their brief meetings with her have made an impact on their lives. I was raised with 4-5 breeds of hens, about 15-20 banty hens, pigs, sheep, cows, dogs, cats and donkeys. My first meeting with your mother was special, her soul and her home was surrounded with animals, this resonated with me deeply, it was like my childhood. I never expected to meet someone like this in New Zealand. Anyway, Jono, I'm sure there is sadness but at the same time in our culture we look back on a special life with fondness and gratitude. May this special soul rest in peace and it was an absolute honour to have met her. - From Charlie Ward, Niamh, Siobhan and Jonte.

Xyloplax medusiformis
We have very fond memories of Helen. I certainly enjoyed working with her, from time to time. Together with Alan, we had a particularly exciting time in the mid 1980s when we became involved with the 'sea-daisy' (Xyloplax medusiformis) link. Those sorts of finds are a privilege to come across!! I also stayed at your house during one of my visits from (at that time) Sydney and Helen took me to a show where she was judging donkeys! Wonderful day that was. Such memories! - From Frank Rowe.

THE MAGGEN-PIE BIRD
Now you will think I am just making this up but I was going to email you this week anyway, and this is what I was going to say:
On Sunday night just gone Milly was very tired after a birthday sleep-over at her best friends which involved lollies, games and only 1 1/2 hours of sleep. She is always reluctant for an early night, and because bedtime is so late these days, we rarely read to her at that time. So I conned her with “lets go to bed early and snuggle up and we can read a book”. We looked at all her old books, mostly too young for her now, and all have been read 100 times. Except one which has been hidden at the bottom of the shelf and which I had never actually read to Milly… The Maggen-pie Bird by Helen Rotman. We so enjoyed the book, Milly was intrigued and Ira was listening in too from his bedroom. Milly was so interested to hear the story and I had to tell her about Helen being your Mum and all about your house, the animals, and how you all grew up together in Ohariu Valley.
It is strange to think this is the next generation and our history is something we need to pass on…that now we are telling the stories.
Anyway, in a way I could see that is why Helen wrote the book, and it just felt so special, to be reading this book to Milly and realising that it was a kind of oral history that was part of her Dad’s story. And the book is so wonderful.
I noticed too that the book was illustrated by Adam Strange and we wondered/figured that was another local, who had got eaten by the shark. So many from that time then, gone with the tide already.
So I was going to email you and tell you that, and now I have.- From Tessa Meek.



Link to The Maggen-Pie Bird.

TOWARDS THE END OF HER DASH
As staff we only got to know Helen when she was getting towards the end of her dash. She had done most of her living and from what I’ve learned, had an interesting and varied life ... 1 in which animals (both large and small) played a big part.

I first met Helen when she was in Bramlee, then a bit further down the track she moved to Nimon House where we have looked after her ever since.
Just under 13 months ago I accompanied and looked after Helen on a big journey; 1 hour flight to Auckland, 12 hours to LA and another 5 to New York. It was a big journey for Helen and she was a bit apprehensive about it but she was also looking forward to seeing Jono as well as Kira and Callie. For me it was a privilege and a pleasure to be a part of the Rotman family for those few weeks. 1 of the memories I have of that time was of Callie pushing her grandmother in her wheelchair. Callie was about 15 months old then and she seemed to be fascinated with Helen and Helen obviously adored her.
We didn’t know then, of course, that Helen would only live another year so it was extra special that she had this last holiday with her family, firstly in New York and then in Westport, Massachusetts where we were close to the water and not far from the beach. (I remember Jono dragging his mother’s wheelchair through the sand at the beach so she could be close to us as we swam in the water.)

I felt that I got to know Helen a lot better during our time away and to understand her physical limitations a lot better, also to appreciate her particular brand of humour which would pop up every so often ..... and it was so good to get to know her family (Jono, Kira and Callie) a lot better too

Helen has now completed her “dash” ... RIP Helen. - From Jenny Joll.



With Jenny, Massachusetts, 2013.

CARE AND GUIDANCE
Thinking back, those endless weekends out in Ohariu were so seminal for me... the care and guidance your Mum gave me, and the confidence I built from age 11 being around her and learning on the farm! Learning to harness and drive the donkeys and winning 1st place in 1994 with my favourite Donkey, Rum - such proud times and such lovely memories. Then as the years went on, taking over the physical hard work of taking the donkeys to school fairs and shows - driving the ute and doing the hard yakka as your Ma's body started its decline. Your dad feeding me chicken livers in that muddy front kitchen and me eating them solemnly as I knew they were the only dinner I was gonna get! Lucky the ferret, that sat on your dad's foot so he couldn't shoot her. The flocks of geese that used to need culled every year. The goats that used to climb up the chicken coop roof. The hundreds of wild ducks that would join Helen's flock during winter. The honeysuckle on the wee road past the Ohariu church.

From the first batch of kittens from the white cat, Pollyanna, which is how I met your mum, to the last visit I had with her in 2005 (and the letters beyond), it was over 15 years of wonderful memories and friendship with a remarkable woman, who I am so blessed to have known. - From Hannah O'Reilly.



Hannah's Photo-collage. Ma, with Artemis the donkey in centre.


27/08/14 - THE END
The notification email.
On Thursday August 21st 2014, Ma had a small event- maybe cardiac, maybe cerebral. She was in reasonable form still, but not physically up and about. We skyped on Friday, but by Saturday, she was fast asleep. She continued to sleep through the weekend and Monday, medicated for comfort. I arrived Tuesday morning to find that she'd woken up a few minutes before I arrived. I set up a bed next to her and proceeded to hold her hand and speak with her. Soon after that, we had a video call with Callie and Kira. When Ma and Callie saw each other, Ma said very clearly "I love you". This was her last utterance. Things slowed down rapidly thereafter and were peaceful until 12.21am this morning at which time she disengaged. I was with her the whole time leading up to it, holding her hand and speaking to her. Maryan was in and out also, it was a peaceful period. The staff at Mary Doyle were superb. Ma passed in a deep sleep, without distress and without medication, a gentle ebb until the very end.

I read somewhere that people who live by the sea often die at the turning of the tide. I looked at the tide charts later and found that low tide was at 12.31am. - Jono.


Coffin built by Ted, painted by Jono, bore the inscription "Etoile de Mer".

FUNEREAL READINGS AND HYMNS








PSALM 139
King James Version. Read by Jill Moss.

O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.
Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.



SO THE WHEEL TURNS



Callie and Helen in New York, 2013.

JONO'S EULOGY
Kira and Callie can’t be here.
Kira laid up with morning sickness. Due March. A boy or a girl.
So the wheel turns.
Perhaps Ma felt her job was done, as a second child was often on her mind. From the moment Callie arrived she would subtly hint… “when are you going to have another?” Every time we spoke. Certainly, if one was ever to source an infant beast from Ma- a kitten, puppy, axolotl- you were assured it, if you took its brother or sister with it.

I’m going to speak a little about the broad arc Ma’s life took. Certainly such bones can be fleshed with anecdotes when we hit the hall. It’s difficult to describe my mother, she had such an enormous life-force. People often described her through strange stories and noting of her quirks, perhaps it is the only way to make sense of such a unique human being.

She was born to Una on the kitchen table of #1 Clive square in Napier, in 1936, delivered by her father, Arthur, a surgeon and an officer. She had followed her sister Maryan, then a girl called Eadon, who died in infancy, and was followed by her brother Stephen. In addition to fighting in both world wars, Arthur was an avid and significant amateur biologist, discovering and naming all manner of NZ flora and fauna- a cicada, fish, a carnivorous land snail. Arthur’s broad engagement with life; from the most foul man can do to his fellow, to the microscopic detail of the natural world, bridged with keen intellect, had an enormous influence on my Mother.

People speak of inherited trauma. Who knows what the bloody business of trench warfare can echo into one’s children. Although there was droll humour and learned talk, Ma’s upbringing wasn’t one of hugs. She said how, when she had polio as a child, she knew she must have been near death because her father stayed up one night by her bedside. Certainly, when I was young, I wasn’t ill unless there was blood or I was falling over.

She boarded at Woodford house, 30 minutes drive from her parents house. And then went on to study biology at Victoria University. Somewhere between leaving school and marrying my father in 1968 and getting her PhD in 1969, she lived for some years in Ghana and in Malta, studied at the Smithsonian in Washington DC and spent time in the Antarctic on the research vessel The Eltanin. For anyone, this was a big life to have lived by one’s late thirties. For a woman, especially in that era, it was unusual and, I think, significant. This was an era when women, by and large, and especially in NZ were expected to find a man and settle down to do housework and breeding. She did eventually breed- I was born in 1974.

There was a scale to her life and outlook, that the world had no bounds, her appreciation of it stretching well beyond Ohariu Valley. After all, the outlook of science is not local or parochial. And she married a Dutchman, a post-war émigré who also, in his way, had had his outlook seasoned by carnage, witnessing the expanse of the human condition while suffering the German occupation of the Netherlands. She was a magnet for wounded beasts.

My parents were challenging to have as parents. Each idiosyncratic and eccentric. They were older, it was a rural environment and I was an only child. From the moment I was born, I was one with axolotls, peacocks, dogs, fowls, and donkeys. This reflects Ma’s outlook. Although I don’t doubt I was deeply loved, I was equal in the hierachy of beasts- from Spidey to Saluki- and I knew my place. The equal value she placed on each element in the gamut of life has had a profound influence on me.

At it’s height, Rottowers was home to a lyrical unison. Dad was wryly accommodating of Ma’s animal husbandry, and she adoring of him, and his immense creativity. At the core of their relationship was a profound irreverence, they could be a side-splittingly funny tag-team. Growing up there, the ever-present animal chorus was regularly punctuated by laughter.

Ma’s human form was a challenging housing for her. Perhaps her PhD was the acme of her subscription to the civilized world. The beasts were her familiars and she was more comfortable with them. My cousin Jill aptly described her as a grown-up child and she could behave very badly indeed, throwing what were known in the family as “wobblies”. She found it difficult to bring Dad's first children into her fold which has caused them pain and had implications for Ma in recent years. But whatever shades her childlike nature cast, it was also a facet of her greatest light. Till her very end, as her human form squeezed her out, she lived with a great sense of wonderment, gratitude and optimism, even at the tiniest thing.

Recent years have seen a profound closeness and love between me and my Ma. The tables turned and I was responsible for her, the child became the parent. Although Ma’s need to deal with the day to day doings lifted, she remained true to herself. Her core essence shone forth, every living thing was a wonder for her. The first time Kira walked in the door at Matahiwi, Ma exclaimed “I love her!”. She loved to have visitors, a push about in her chair and ice-cream, “a treat”. She took two visits to stay with us in New York in recent years, not an easy task, but taken in her indomitable stride. And, of course, she had a number of significant congresses with Callie, a worthy harbour of Ma’s genes into the future. They were as deeply loving and respectful of each other as two creatures could be.

It’s been profoundly distressing at times, to be half the world away. The difficulty of distance has been tempered by the generosity many of you have shown towards Ma. Of course, My darling Kira for being loving and supportive, and for appreciating Ma for who she was. Mary Doyle, for their accommodating and warm care, and for making our twice-weekly skypes possible. Jill for checking in with Ma, and for being in touch about what's happening, Maryan for being a companion. Ma’s dear old friends, Joco, Kristin, Liz et al, for keeping in constant care. Ted and Heather for periodically checking in, and Ted for this box. And everyone else in their care and concern for Ma, and for writing in of anecdotes and for coming today.

On the drive down this morning, with Ma in the car, we paid a visit to one of Ma’s Donkey’s Artemis, to check in that she was doing well and to pass on word of Ma’s passing. It seems apposite to now recite a poem Ma knew well by heart. I feel it encapsulates so much about her. An orneriness and prey to judgement, but also an integral connection to large forces.



When I arrived on Tuesday, I found her a shade, a little set of bones. I held her hand for 14 hours, the odd squeeze exchanged in semaphore. As I have noted in an email, her last words were to Callie, her granddaughter on video chat “I love you”. Throughout the hours I whispered a steady litany of “I love you” “”I’m here” “It’s okay”. It was a meditation of sorts and made her room as peaceful as possible, so she could relax into passing. Her breath gently rose higher in her body until it was barely there, floating on the surface… and there it began to quiver.. hesitant… I began to recite a litany of the dead, calling them to come get her, and reminding her of who she was going to:

Jan, Arthur Gruchy, Una Mary, Aunt Elsa, Uncle Alan, Aunt Alice, Bill Paisley, Cousin John, Aunt Minna, Robina and Alec.
and the names of her animal familiars:
Hermit crabs, owls, monkeys, gazelles, snakes, horses, donkeys, peacocks, dogs, chickens, cockatoos, axolotls, magpies, possums, finches, ferrets, goats, sheep, seagulls, eels, rats, rabbits, mice, ducks,

A gentle disengagement, and out the door she went.